I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
