____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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