Quick, to the slutcave!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
