vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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