you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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