You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
