You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
