did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
