We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
