If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
