There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
