was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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