When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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