Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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