if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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