Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
