i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
