$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
