omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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