I'm jealous of your bromance
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
