I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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