he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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