It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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