i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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