Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
