I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
