i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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