We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
