is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
