Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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