so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
