What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
