When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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