this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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