My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A+ Viking dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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