I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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