Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
