Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
