i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
