Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
