Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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