i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
