I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
