Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
