i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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