Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
