Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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