it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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