Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
