so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
