So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
