Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have fence marks all over my body
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
