The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
